A dark web Scrooge and an elite ELF commando must save Santa Claus, and Christmas, and even everyone on the naughty list in Red One, opening in Prague and cinemas worldwide this weekend. A knowing sense of humor and some appealing performances can’t save the inherent cynicism in this would-be blockbuster’s overstuffed script, and some downright ugly visuals make the film look like it was filtered through coal, even in IMAX. Bah, humbug!
Red One stars Chris Evans as Jack O’Malley, who never believed in Santa and spoils the magic of Christmas for his cousins as a child in an opening flashback. Thirty years later, he’s a deadbeat dad who can’t be bothered to pick up son Dylan (Wesley Kimmel—son of Jimmy) from school while he recovers from a hangover.
Jack is also a degenerate gambler and cybercriminal known as The Wolf who steals a lollipop from a baby on his way back from breaking into a government facility on behalf of his unknown dark web client, who might as well be a terrorist. This guy sucks—and yet Evans is entirely engaging, getting a rare chance to dig into his native Boston accent while expressing complete befuddlement at everything that’s about to come his way.
That everything includes all the creatures overseen by MORA (Mythological Oversight and Restoration Authority), the secret authority that has been managing witches, trolls, goblins, and yes, even Santa Claus (J.K. Simmons) from the North Pole for the past hundreds of years. MORA director (Lucy Liu) manages teams of little bunny-goblin elves, a talking polar bear (Reinaldo Faberlle), Santa’s gigantic reindeer, and an elite squad of Enforcement, Logistics and Fortification (ELF) agents led by Callum (Dwayne Johnson), who happens to be currently facing a crisis of cheer.
But you gotta really squint to make out a lot of these fantastic beings, because Red One‘s vision of the North Pole is bleaker than Tim Burton‘s Gotham City. Amidst a CGI wasteland bathed in permanent midnight, an early action scene where baddies kidnap Santa, based on Jack’s intel, is incomprehensible under a sea of murky blacks and browns. The repressive darkness is geographically accurate, as the North Pole sees 179 days of night during the winter—so while it might look utterly drab, Red One at least has some realism going for it.
In search of Santa, Callum’s ELF team snatches up Jack, who doesn’t have any idea who his client was—but he can track them down. And just hours before Christmas, this elite ELF (who can transform into a pint-sized elf with a click of his heels) and the Boston Scrooge team up to save the holidays. And if Callum rediscovers the magic of Christmas, and Jack learns how to become a better father and get himself off the naughty list… well, you’ll probably roll your eyes.
Red One comes to life during exactly two sequences. The first of which is an excursion to Aruba to track down Ted (Nick Kroll), the middleman between Jack and his client, which ends with a genuinely fun snowman fight through the beach and tiki bars when baddie Gryla, the Christmas Witch (Kiernan Shipka), learns Callum and Jack on on her tail. For one fleeting moment, we’re treated to some bright visuals as the movie takes an all-too-brief vacation from its bleak visuals.
But the highlight of Red One comes in an even darker fantasy world: a German castle ruled by Krampus (Kristofer Hivju) and filled with gargoyles, ogres, cyclopses, and other monsters. While this sequence is dark, the creatures are all largely realized through appealing practical effects, and Krampus’ castle lacks the muddy CGI sheen applied to the North Pole scenes.
Krampus, as played by Hivju, is also the kind of engaging baddie that Red One could have really used; the motivations of Shipka’s Christmas Witch are as unclear as the film’s visuals. This evil witch wants to imprison everyone on the naughty list in snowglobes. But why? To make the world a better place? And is this movie ultimately about saving all the naughty-listers?
Red One has the globetrotting form of a big blockbuster movie, and there’s enough going on here to keep you distracted for most of the running time, at least until things turn excessively maudlin during the finale. And while Johnson is largely sleepwalking through his role (though he still gets a few chuckles rattling off one-liners with his trademark deadpan delivery), Evans, Simmons, and Hivju are all fun to watch.
But there’s a very blatant and deep cynicism about it all: there’s nothing underneath Red One beyond studio executives attempting to emulate the success of a Men in Black or Harry Potter while utilizing copyright-free Christmas IP. Instead, they’ve just churned out another R.I.P.D. If you’re in the mood for an action movie featuring Santa Claus, stick with Violent Night.
